thoughts on the bachelorette

So I watch The Bachelor(ette).

Back in college, a lot of my roommates would gather around to watch The Bachelor/ette and around the same time, randomly, a guy would always stop in and berate us for watching "such trash." What I told him, mainly to get him off our backs, was that we watched as "students of psychology and communication" and that the show was a "fascinating look at relationships." At the time, it was all hogwash but honestly, today, I find myself thinking a lot about relationships and people after watching it.

I'm sure we can have a lengthy discussion about how fake the show is, how terrible it is, and how bad Desiree's outfits are (sorry girl, I just don't dig your gown choices -- too prom circa 2002.) But what I think is interesting is how it is is a view into society. A strange view, but a view none the less about what so many of us think about relationships.

I honestly do think people can find love on the show -- honestly, they already have something in common: being on a reality TV show -- and people have found love in weirder places, let's be honest.

All of the people are looking for love -- looking for the one, the spouse and they share this dramatic stuff in order that they can find a connection with someone, and that someone will fix it.

The best example of this was this woman Ashlee on last season who emphatically told Sean, the bachelor, "You are my savior, you are my reason, you make me better!"

And I say, yes, good, Ashlee, find someone who makes you better, but you are never going to find someone who will be your "all," your "savior."

Why? Because you're going to end up with a person and people let others down. People are broken, people have bad days and say things they don't mean and do things that are hurtful. People are selfish and despite the best intentions and vows, and feelings of love, people hurt others.

I'm not saying this to bash on marriage or relationships. I've been married four years and strongly believe in marriage, and my marriage is truly wonderful, but I can honestly say that there are moments where I have felt lonely and misunderstood before.

In that moment, it didn't mean my marriage was over, because my view of marriage is different. I believe in finding someone you love, someone you are attracted to but also finding someone you want to journey life with -- someone who will be your partner in crime -- who will teach you about sacrifice and love but will not be the sacrifice and love you need to survive.

I believe in finding an identity outside yourself in a relationship. I believe in God-- a loving God who gives me purpose and my identity, but even if you don't believe in God, you can't expect another human to be everything.

And I watch these people on the Bachelor who are trying so hard to find their all-- and I just want to jump in and tell them to find themselves first.  As well as jump in and tell Des to stop trying to match her eyeshadow to her dress.

xo, erika

p.s. the husband read this and then we had a discussion about whether this post needed a photo. I said, yes, all posts need photos and he said that he didn't think this one did... am I breaking some unspoken blogger rule? If so, my apologies. 


  1. I totally agree with your view on relationships and marriage! But I am afraid shows like these (and almost all Disney movies, romantic comedies and so on) contribute to the mainstream idea that people need to find someone who is their 'all', someone who never makes mistakes, understands you perfectly every single day and lives for the sole purpose of making YOU happy and making YOUR dreams come true. I also think this might play a big role in why so many people fail to be happy in marriage and expect it to be something it's not. I guess shows like these are nice guilty pleasures, but I'm afraid their influence on lots of people might be bigger than we think or know.

  2. OK I was watching last night for the first time this season and you just spoke my mind exactly. I have a total love hate relationship with this show!!!!

  3. I so agree with your view on relationships and marriage. I love the show but it's not a realistic look on how relationships are AT ALL.


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