(it's always a mess)
I really question it. Honestly.
I love, love my little handmade shop and I'm really trying to grow it, but sometimes it's hard and when I turn down something, or attempt to get through the next day on not enough sleep, I ask myself, is this worth it? Am I insane? This is the question that pops through my head late at night.
I think it is worth it. I am choosing believe it is. This is my dream-- to make this shop work. And right now it means I'm balancing a lot. I'm not trying to complain; I'm just trying to be honest.
But what I've also realized is that if I didn't have this shop, I would be filling my time with other things because I'm not the kind of person that's good at not having something to do.
We can talk about if that's a coping method, or perhaps it's me not learning to be content with what I have or whatever psychological truth you believe about me but the honestly, I think I'm just a creative, sometimes crazy, always-busy person and I think God designed me this way. And being that creative crazy person -- I have to have my hands dirty creating and my mind busy dreaming.
When it's hard and I'm tired, I try to remind myself that.
I also rest on the fact that a lot of things are hard: raising children is hard, getting through med school is hard, being married is hard... but just because something is hard doesn't mean it isn't good.
Right now I am reminding myself this, that the hard stuff can be such good stuff. I am learning to honor God with this little shop and with each thing I make, I thank Him for this opportunity to create with my hands. And I am praying that He can get me through the hard stuff and help me see the good.