I should fold the laundry.
I should clean the house. I should clean the bathroom. Maybe I should vacuum.
I should call that person. I should write that person.
I should work out more.
I should save more.
There is always something I "should" do and what I've realized lately (or rather the husband has helped me realize) is that all the "shoulds" are never going to make my life better.
Would having a picture-perfect home solve all my problems? Would having rock-solid abs make me happier?
I want things to be put together and I have a heavy guilt complex when they aren't just so. I always feel like there's a million pressing things that I should be doing. No one else is forcing me to do check off this giant to-do list; it's a list of my own creation and it's something I hold myself to far too much.
Part of me being present this year, means letting myself not obsess over all the things I should be doing.
Recently my family asked me to come up to the cabin on Whidbey Island. It was so last minute and I knew that there was a million things I should be, could be doing instead. But I decided that the list of "shoulds" getting done were not going to make me happier come Sunday evening, so I went. And it was perfect, relaxing and enjoyable.
Are there things in your life-- a list of shoulds and shouldn't dos -- that you let get to you? I know all of us are busy-- too busy-- and if you're like me, maybe you revel a little bit in the fact that you're busy and you have so much you should be doing and you have so much that you can get done. I confess that busyness, my list of shoulds, can become my identity, and I take pride that I am the responsible one that gets that list done. And when I write this all out, I release how sad it all sounds. That this can be my hamster wheel of a life.
It doesn't need to be like this for me, and maybe it doesn't need to be this way for you. Maybe I don't need to live in the world of what I should or shouldn't do. I believe that God gave us a life and a life to live fully. Yes, there are responsibilities, but I can't live my life where I feel beholden to my invisible list.
As a part of being present, I'm battling the shoulds and hoping that this time will be the year I win.
Am I alone in this? Or do you also feel stuck in an endless spiral of things you should do?